I Need That Old Friend
by jsnider
Summary: Eric and Sookie are brought together once again after a run-in with Mickey. Eric and Sookie begin to come to a realization about their feelings for each other and try to explore whether they can really be in a relationship with each other. **WARNING a graphic scene in the 1st chapter** Set at the end of Dead as a Doornail but AU.
1. Chapter 1

SPOV

I'm running, which is stupid, but so ingrained I don't feel as if I can make any other choice. Running only fuels the need for the chase and he's just toying with me. He could overtake me at any time. I can't even hide, he smells me now and no amount of hiding in the shadows will truly cover me. The dark forest between my house and the cemetery trips me up, slowing me down and brutally ravaging my bare legs. I'm crying and begging for help in my mind…'please someone help me'. I don't know his intentions, but I sense he's cruel just to be cruel—it is his nature. Death, final death, would surely be better than being caught but I can't bring myself to that conclusion. I feel a rush of wind and suddenly I run into a wall….a wall of chest and arms that roughly grab me as I hear maniacal laughing reverberate through the woods.

"Please, no" I gasp.

My begging tone only fuels him as he seems to enjoy the smell of my fear permeating the air around us. He roughly grabs my hair and bends my head back, exposing my neck. He leans in close and takes a strong whiff. Can he smell the vampires whose blood I have had? Does he care? Or is it my Fairy blood that he smells. He scrapes my neck with his fangs before brutally biting my shoulder. He takes two long drags.

He raises his head with glowing eyes, "Oh yes, I'm going to enjoy this. But first I must break you."

I struggle some more to get away, again all instinct, though I know it's futile. He only laughs and says "Oh yes, struggle pet. It makes my cock hard".

He loosens his grip as if to give the illusion that my struggles are working and I momentarily feel a sense of hope, until he roughly jerks me up against him again. This is a cruel, vicious game he plays. He lowers his head to kiss me and I try in vain to turn my face. I struggle to keep my lips closed tightly but he forces his tongue in and ravages my mouth. I can't do anything but allow it, though I think about biting him but fear this would only excite him more. I don't return the kiss and I'm disgusted by him. He reaches down and rips my shirt open and roughly fondles my breasts, pinching and slapping them.

He snarls at me as he pulls back "If you won't pleasure me with your kiss, I can think of another use for that smart mouth of yours"

I begin to panic in earnest and scream, but he clamps a hand over my mouth as he grabs my neck with his other hand and forces me to my knees. With one hand he unzips his pants and his rock hard cock pops out, hitting me in the face. He warns me to be quiet or I will pay in earnest. With no other choice, I nod in agreement. He slaps my face with his cock and forces my mouth open by squeezing my jaw. He shoves his cock into my mouth and I struggle to get away, tears running down my face. He squeezes harder and I still my struggles, afraid he will break my jaw. Once I still, he lets go of my jaw with a warning growl and roughly grabs my hair and neck as he begins to push his cock in and out of my mouth. I am sobbing but can do nothing to stop this abuse.

He shoves his dick into the back of my throat and I gag, reflexively trying to get away. He laughs as he says "Gag on my cock, Bitch" and eases only slightly before he's pounding back in.

I gag over and over and he shoves it so far into my mouth that my nose is flesh with his pelvis. He then presses my head tight up against him while he holds my nose until I fear I will pass out from lack of oxygen or choke from gagging on my own spit. He eases up again but only for a moment. My fear and disgust are quickly escalating out of control, if he's this cruel with a blowjob, I can't allow him to have my body. He will damage me in some way or kill me. Another round of his penis being shoved down my throat and me choking on my own spit and his cock and I reflexively bite down on his cock….hard.

He yelps and hits the side of my head and I go flying backwards, seeing flashing lights and feeling my vision blur. I land against something hard and hit the other side of my head. My head feels light and wet. I feel my body begin to lose consciousness but I fight it. I can't. He will take my body.

Fight, damn it, Stackhouse. I'm nobody's victim. He begins to stalk towards me, eyes glowing red and angry. I feel another hard breeze and suddenly he's in the air being held by his throat.

Someone heard me, they came to help me. Maybe it's Niall or Bill or Eric or Claude. I'm not sure who it is and I don't care as long as they don't allow him to have me. The monster snarls at my savior and lashes out but my savior is too strong and slams him into a tree.

"You will never have her, Mickey." I hear a familiar voice say, but I can't place it, everything is so indistinct. Mickey…..why? Is this retribution for me helping my friend Tara get away from him and Eric calling his Maker, which forced him to leave her alone? Seriously!?

My head is so fuzzy, like it's filled with cotton and my vision is obstructed by the darkness of the night and whatever that wetness is running down my face. I hear the snapping of the tree trunk as they slam into the tree again and I see my savior reach out, grab a huge splinter of wood and stake my captor right in the heart. Mickey turns to ash almost immediately.

My savior slowly turns, I still can't make out his features since it is utterly dark in the woods but his eyes are glowing a faint red and I am fearful again. I begin to try and crawl away but not being able to see clearly impedes any progress I make. I feel him hover above me and I begin to scream and curl into a ball to try and protect myself. I feel his hand reach down and touch my shoulder, I flinch and scream again, hiding my face.

"Shhh Sookie, I am here. I will not hurt you. I promise."

I only vaguely register the voice, though it soothes me some. I try to turn and look at him but still I can not see him and that scares me all the more.

"Who are you?" I whisper.

"You do not remember me?" he asks.

"I don't know," I respond, "I can't see you or anything. I know your voice but can't place who you are. Please don't hurt me." I beg. I reach out with my mind and the void I feel tells me he's a vampire too. My being telepathic serves some good, though it certainly didn't help me earlier.

"Sookie, it is Eric. I am here. Do you know who I am? I want to take you home and help you. I am not sure how injured you are. Can I lift you?" he says all this in a very quiet, soothing manner as if talking to a hurt animal.

"Eric? Oh God Eric!" I instantly relax and huge sobs begin to wrack my body, as I blindly flail my arms out for him. I know I am safe with Eric. He may be a 1,000 year old Viking vampire and we have our share of history, and granted not all of it is positive, but one thing I am absolutely positive about, is that Eric would never hurt me and he will protect me from anyone who wishes to hurt me and for that I am grateful.

"Please….please take me home." I manage to get out.

He slowly reaches down and places one arm around my back and the other under my knees and I try not to flinch when he touches me. He growls when I turn my face to him but I know it's not directed towards me. I must look horrible. I feel so ashamed and I bury my face in his neck. My face feels likes the skin is stretched so tight across my cheek where Mickey hit me and I can still vaguely feel the wetness on my skin. Eric takes to the air and within seconds I am on my front porch. I have never been so glad to see my home and I can hardly squelch my need to throw the door open, run inside and hide. Eric asks if the invitation I granted him before has been rescinded, I shake my head and we enter my home.

Eric gently places me on the couch and covers me with the afghan he finds so hideous. If I were in better spirits, it might make me smile. He quickly leaves and returns with a warm washcloth and begins to bathe my face. The cloth is quickly covered in blood….ah so that was the wetness I was feeling.

Eric curses under his breath and states, "Sookie, I am going to pick you up again and take you into the bathroom. This rag is not sufficient to clean your injuries and I need to better assess the extent of them. I must know if Dr. Ludwig is needed".

As he picks me up to move me, I note to myself that Eric's accent is more noticeable and he's dropped all contractions, this can't be good. It only means one thing, Eric is emotional and likely he's either angry or upset or both. I just hope it's not with me.

As we enter the bathroom, I notice Eric tries to angle his body away from the mirror so that I cannot see my face, but I peer around him and draw in a sharp breath. I barely recognize myself as I stare at the bruised and battered face in the mirror, my hair is matted, bloody and in disarray and my cheek is turning a disgusting myriad of colors. My eyes are red rimmed and my lip is swollen and split. My face is covered in streaks of blood, running down from my scalp. I begin to cry and Eric notices I am staring at the mirror.

"Damn it", as he turns further away and tries to shield my view with his broad chest. "Sookie, do not cry. I will heal you. But first I am going to clean and bathe you. This will put you to rights."

As soon he as mentions bathing me, I begin to struggle in his arms as the thought of a man touching me intimately sends terror and embarrassment through my bones. I know it's silly to be embarrassed or shy given our past relationship when he was cursed and without his memory. He stayed with me for safety purposes and we engaged in a variety of uh..._extracurricular activities_, but it's been months since I was with Eric sexually and it wasn't _this _Eric, it was _my_ Eric who disappeared the night the witch broke the spell on him and he regained his memory, just the not memories of our time together.

He holds me a little tighter and whispers "Shhhh. It is ok. I will leave your underclothes on. Would that be better? I'm not sure I trust your ability to bathe yourself right now."

Suddenly Eric stops and stares at me with his intense gaze, "Did he….did I not get there soon enough….did Mickey rape you, Sookie? Is this why you are frightened of me bathing you?"

I mutely shake my head 'No' but whisper "It was close. That was his intention, but he….he did…..other things to me."

Eric closes his eyes and I hear a deep, frightening growl bubble up in his chest, but he shuts it off before I am too frightened. He sets me on the toilet lid and leans over to start a bath, as it is filling he gently strips off my ruined clothes and never cracks a smirk or sexy grin or shows any interest _that way_ for which I am grateful. He leaves my bra and panties on (thank God I'm wearing my sensible panties today) as he lowers me into the tub. I gasp as the warm water touches my skin and I breathe a sigh of relief. I vaguely wonder how a vampire would know just the perfect temperature of a human bath but I quickly push the thought aside as I focus on Eric gently wiping away the grime and blood. He hisses and his eyes darken when he reaches to wash my shoulder and notices the deep bite marks.

"He fed from you?" he asks.

"More like he just wanted to hurt me and bite me. He only took two pulls of blood, so I don't know if that counts as a feeding. But it hurt like hell. Not like when Bill or you have bitten me."

Eric gently bathes my shoulder and I hear his fangs snick out. He bites his finger and gently rubs his blood over the holes and they begin to heal. He takes his finger and rubs my lip with it as well, careful not to get any in my mouth or make it sexual in any way. He then finishes cleaning my body, careful to avoid my womanly parts. He leans my head back gently and begins to pour water through my hair. The off pour is tinged red. He reaches up for my favorite shampoo (though I'm not sure how he knows which one is my favorite) and begins to lather and wash my hair. I remember back to another time when he did this for me…..our first time together when he joined me in the shower and I am simultaneously filled with contentment and longing.

I crack my eyes open to see Eric's forehead creased and his eyes staring at me curiously. I guess he can sense my emotions, so I try to stifle them some as I don't want him asking about that time. He still hasn't regained his memories of that time and I just don't have the energy to go there tonight.

He finishes my hair, grabs a towel and wraps me up in it as he lifts me from the tub. He hands me my robe from the back of the door and asks if I can finish undressing and put the robe on myself. I assure him I can and he backs out of the bathroom. I know he's right outside the door because I can sense his void. I pull off my bra and panties and pull on my pink, fluffy robe. I grab a headband and pull back my wet hair. I look in the mirror again and decide Eric was right, I do look better, though it's still pretty horrible. I'm glad he hasn't mentioned healing me again. I don't think I want his blood tonight, I need to feel human.

As I stare at myself in the mirror, my gaze drops down to my mouth and I can suddenly feel Mickey shoving his dick in my mouth and I lean over, fearful I'm going to retch. I grab the sink and pull up to where I can grab my toothbrush and toothpaste. I begin to vigorously brush my teeth and mouth, over and over until my gums are bleeding. I vaguely register a knock but I ignore it as I continue to scrub my mouth and tears stream down my face. Suddenly a cold hand covers mine and he gently takes the toothbrush from my hand. My knees buckle and he catches me and lifts me up to his chest. He dries my mouth with a towel and whisks me from the bathroom.

I end up back on my couch, folded up on Eric's lap and covered by my afghan. He strokes my hair and down my back, over and over in a soothing motion.

"Tell me what happened Sookie. How did he get to you?"

I look up and Eric's eyes are closed as his face is grim.

"Are you sure you want me to?"

"Yes I must know where the holes are in what little security you have around here and then remedy that immediately"

Ever the practical vampire, though right now I am grateful for his practical nature, it helps me stay calm and steady. Though I sense, he's only calm on the surface and much is percolating underneath.

"Ok. I got home from work and wanted to go to Gran's grave. I had bought some flowers to take since today was her birthday. I had meant to go earlier today but Sam called me early to see if I could work a double shift since one of the other girls had called in sick, so I didn't have time. I was so tired when I came home. I rushed in, changed my clothes, put my things away and didn't really scan like I usually do, though I didn't sense anything at all. I headed towards the cemetery and had just finished putting the flowers on her grave when I felt the void nearby. I initially thought it was Bill as he wanders a lot at night but he would have revealed himself once he saw my head lift up. He would of known I sensed him and would not of kept silent." Eric nodded his head in agreement.

"I begin to feel anxious and knew it wasn't any vampire I knew out there…..not Bill, not Bubba, not you or Pam. Any of y'all would of come forth when you sensed my anxiety. I know it was stupid but the human side of things told me to run, as fast as I could. You know, good ole' fight or flight. I knew I was just adding to the chase but I couldn't stop myself. He toyed with me, let me get deep in the woods as I tried to reach my house. I knew if I could just get to my house, I would be safe, but he grabbed me way before then and then you got there pretty soon after that."

I didn't want to go into the details of what happened but I had a feeling Eric wanted more details than I had given him. He looked at me intently.

"I know you do not wish to discuss this further but I need to know more than this, especially if I have to answer for killing Mickey. This way I could speak for you and you would not be required. I am sorry Sookie."

I sighed, "Oh I don't want you to get in trouble Eric, but this is really hard to talk about…..he grabbed my hair, smelled me and bit my shoulder. Then he forced a kiss on me and ripped open my shirt and put his hands on me. Then he forced me to my knees and …well….." I began sobbing.

"It's okay Sookie. I understand." Eric replied.

Now that the floodgate was open though it's like I couldn't stop it…..

"he forced himself into my mouth and it was so vile, I thought I would vomit. He was so abusive and hurtful. I finally bit him hard and then he hit me and I went flying into the air. I hit my head on something when I landed and thought I was going to pass out but then you showed up and saved me. Thank you for coming. I kept screaming for help in my head, hoping someone would hear me or would sense me. Thank you Eric, thank you for coming…..I know what he was planning."

Eric looked at me quizzically.

"I didn't know" as I tapped my temple, "but as a woman, I knew his intentions and I knew that would kill me. He would kill me. I feel so dirty and violated like before when….."

I stopped suddenly as I almost mentioned Uncle Bartlett, my "funny uncle" when I was young and then my thoughts flashed to that car trunk when I was trapped with Bill, after I had saved him in Jackson and he had been brutally tortured and was weak from blood loss. He almost drained me and he did rape me before Eric found us, but that was different than Uncle Bartlett. Uncle Bartlett was not someone I really talked about with people. I just hoped Eric hadn't picked up on anything and if he did, he'd let it go.

"When what, Sookie?"

Of course, he had to pick up on it, Eric was one of the most perceptive beings I knew, must be his 1,000 years. You learn to notice everything.

"Hmmm? Oh nothing." I try to dodge.

"It's not nothing. When what, Sookie?" his voice even lower than before, which was not a good sign.

"Oh Eric, do we have to talk about all this anymore? I'm so tired." I ask, hoping he will acquiesce.

"Very well Sookie, but we will resume this conversation at a later time."

Not if I have anything to say about it. I was beginning to feel the effects of the night as my eyes grew heavy and my body felt weighted down. Eric easily scooped me up off the couch and carried me to my bedroom, he turned down the covers as I headed into the restroom to take care of my human needs. When I came back into the bedroom, I saw Eric sitting on the edge of my bed, with his head in his hands. He heard me enter the room, his head popped up and he stared at me with such intensity, I took a step back.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing is wrong. Come to bed, lover. You are tired"

I paused at his use of the endearment, 'lover', and narrowed my eyes at him. He rarely uses it now, but that was his favorite name for me during the time of his memory loss when he stayed with me and we had actually been lovers. But I was really too worn out to explore anything with him right now, so I decided to place it in the 'talk about it another time box'. Eric and I actually had quite a box full of other topics under the same heading but neither of us were in much of a hurry to explore them.

I walked over and got in bed and Eric pulled me close to him as he laid down with me. Normally, I wouldn't allow this closeness with him as it's too painful and brings back too many memories, but tonight, I needed him. I needed my Eric for just a little while. I needed to feel that I meant something to him, even if it was false or under terrifying circumstances. I just needed to feel him so I could feel myself again. I sighed and snuggled into him even closer. I felt him briefly tense and then relax. I was drifting off before I could ask him if I was too close.


	2. Chapter 2

EPOV

I lay here looking down at her, asleep in my arms and I brush her hair off her face, her poor, bruised and battered face. I feel a surge of anger as I think about what happened to her but I quickly push it down, not wanting to risk disturbing her sleep. I close my eyes, overwhelmed by my racing thoughts. Earlier, when I sat on her bed waiting for her while she was in the restroom, I inhaled her scent, so much stronger in her bedroom, and ALL my memories from the time I stayed with her here came rushing back in a torrent. When she came out and saw me, she had sensed something was amiss. Sookie is a perceptive, intelligent woman but I did not want to tell her just yet that I had regained my memories until I had more time to sort through them and she had recovered more from tonight.

I think back to earlier tonight when I was at Fangtasia, my bar, sitting on that stupid throne, bored to death (haha) with the meaningless, pathetic fangbangers lining the bar. Deep inside, I feel a twinge of fear and immediately go on alert. I know it isn't Pam as I can see her at the door, so it must be Sookie. Pam and Sookie are the only two who have had my blood in hundreds of years. The blood is sacred, I do not share it indiscriminately. I wait to see if I feel more from her or if this is just a fleeting emotion. Suddenly, the minor blood bond we have is overwhelmed with fear and I am out the door and in the air so quickly, few even registered my movements.I take my phone out mid-flight and text Pam, 'Bon Temps. Feel trouble'. I then call the Shifter's bar to ask if Sookie is at work. The shifter answers and informs me she has gone home for the night. I hang up before he can begin speaking to me again. I have no time for him.

I land at her home but know she is not inside or close by outside. I run into the woods following her foot trail and overwhelming scent. Her blood has been spilled, I can smell it from the edge of the woods. I will kill whoever has touched her in this way, I pray to Freya I am not too late. Rationally, I know I'm not or I would feel her death, but there are worse things than death.

I come upon a small clearing and see Sookie on her knees in front of a vampire when he suddenly rears back and strikes her, sending her flying across the clearing. I fill with rage at the sight of him touching her. He begins to stalk after her but I grip him by his throat before he reaches her. I snarl….Mickey. Piece of fucking scum Mickey. I slam him into a tree and am so enraged, I see red as I determine what I am going to do to him. He snarls back and half-heartedly makes an attempt towards me. I slam him into the tree again, decide quicker is best, though I would really like to take my time with him. I stake him through the heart with a sliver of tree trunk, drop what is left of him as he turns to ash and will myself to calm. I cannot approach Sookie in a fit of bloodlust, the scent of her blood is already heightening it for me.

I turn around too quickly, eager to check on her and I must of frightened her because she begins to try and crawl away from me. I rush over to her and she begins to scream and pull herself into a fetal position on the ground. Questions flood my mind….Why is she frightened of me? What did he do to her? Maybe she hit her head too hard? I know head injuries can be very serious for humans. I am uncertain how to approach her further but I have to assess her injuries. I reach out and gently touch her shoulder, this elicits another scream and I pull my hand away.

"Shhh Sookie, I am here. I will not hurt you. I promise."

I sense her confusion but my words calm her some. Ok….'do not touch just talk', I have to tell myself as all my instincts are pushing me to grab her up in my arms and never let her go…..Whoa. Where did that come from? I am not used to these overwhelming feelings she elicits in me. I quickly shake my head to clear it.

"Who are you?" she asks.

Fuck. She must of hit her head hard, I have heard about how head injuries can cause memory loss. Fuck.

I speak slowly, "You do not remember me?" I am fearful of her answer.

"I don't know. I can't see you or anything. I know your voice but can't place who you are…please don't hurt me." she begs.

She fucking begs. My Sookie does not beg. Whoa again, _MY_ Sookie? I remember as a human how I would approach my children or an animal when they were frightened and I try to adopt that tone.

"Sookie, it is Eric. I am here. Do you know who I am? I want to take you home and help you. I am not sure how injured you are. Can I lift you?"

I wait…

"Eric? Oh God Eric."

Thanks to Freya, she knows me. I feel her relax as she simultaneously begins to cry, not just cry but sob. Her arms are reaching out for me and I step closer, trying to approach her slowly but again feeling the urge to wrap her in my arms and hold her there, and it's not sexual at all. I desire to be close to her, protect her, provide for her. What the fuck? These emotions are hitting me all at once and I do not like it at all.

"Please….please take me home" she cries.

I reached down and scoop her up, she flinches as I touch her and foolishly I feel rejected, even though I know it is just a reaction from being attacked. She turns her face to me and a ball of anger slams into my chest as I take in her injuries. The only sign of my anger I show is a low growl. Blood has run from her head, into her eyes and onto her face. I can see bruises beginning to form where he hit her on her cheek and around her mouth where it appears his hand was squeezing her face. I suspect her cheekbone is broken from the way her face is swelling. Her lip is split and blood trickles down from it. She turns and hides her face and I feel shame flood the bond. I want to tell her to never feel shame around me but I do not know how to tell her, so I stay quiet.

We reach her home quickly and I ask if I still have entrance into her home, I am secretly pleased she has not rescinded my invitation. I lower her to the couch, cover her with some hideous looking quilt and head to get a wet cloth to begin cleaning her up. When I return, she is curled up under that blanket and she allows me to begin cleaning her face. Her injuries do not appear to need a doctor's care but it becomes readily apparent that the washcloth is not going to be sufficient and I really want to put her in the bath to wash all of this away. I can smell him all over her and I need him gone as much as she does.

I ask permission to move her to the bath so we can clean her up more thoroughly. I explain everything I am thinking or am going to do so as not to scare her further. I recall her reaction in Dallas after being beaten by the Fellowship of the Sun, when she saw her reflection in the elevator, how she had begun to cry and feel defeated. With this memory, I determine that Sookie does not need to see what she looks like right now so I try to angle away from the mirror once we are in the bathroom. I hear her draw in a sharp breath and I know she has caught a glance of her face.

"Damn it", I growl.

I am irritated with myself for not shielding her better and I turn to angle further away. I try to comfort her with words and assure her I will heal her. I suddenly realize what I am saying….this would be our third blood exchange and that changes everything. We have a minor blood bond now and any additional blood exchanges would complete our bond and that is a not to be taken lightly in my world. Three exchanges would alter the bond into something much deeper and more permanent. I will not do that to her unwittingly, not if I can help it.

She begins struggling in my arms and I quickly surmise she is uncomfortable with me bathing her. I sense terror, surely she knows I would never harm her in this way and I sense…..embarrassment? A few weeks ago, Sookie gave me details about the time I stayed with her so I know we have a previous sexual history even if I cannot remember it. I do not understand the embarrassment. I obviously have partaken in everything Sookie has to offer. I pull her a little tighter and offer to leave her undergarments on as a barrier. This seems to calm her, for which, I am grateful because no way am I leaving her alone right now and for some reason unbeknownst to me, I want to engage in this ritual of caring for her.

Her odd reaction to me touching her makes me pause, I suddenly realize that I smell Mickey all over her and I can not tell whether or not he actually violated her due to the intermingling scents of blood and Sookie and Mickey. I do not want to ask but I need to know, not because it will make me see her any differently but because I will know better how to approach her.

Unsure as to the best tactic, I stammer, "Did he….did I not get there soon enough….did Mickey rape you, Sookie? Is this why you are frightened of me bathing you?"

She shakes her head 'No' and quietly says, "It was close. That was his intention, but he….he did…..other things to me."

I close my eyes and growl as I now know exactly what he did to her, it is why she was on her knees before he hit her. I am furious but I strive to tamper it down. I do not want to frighten her. It is important to me that she feels safe and protected by me. I ponder why this is important as I start the bath and begin to remove her ruined clothes. I keep my face as neutral as possible because even in these circumstances, Sookie is a beautiful woman and she always stirs something in me, but now is not the time to respond. It fills me with momentary sadness, that the one time I will remember divesting her of her clothes is after another has attacked and violated her. I vow to replace this memory soon. I make sure to leave on her undergarments and want to grin at her white, cotton, totally utilitarian bra and panties, only a woman like Sookie could make something that plain and boring look sexy, she doesn't need any embellishments.

As I lower her into the tub, she takes a deep breath and I feel her relax in the warm water. I begin to bath her. I enjoy this task immensely, but not in a sexual way. I find myself wanting to wash her, worship her, care for her in any way possible and the act of washing her is incredibly intimate. I feel myself desiring that intimacy. 'Where is all this coming from?' I shake my head in wonder. Pam would either flay me or humiliate me if she knew what was going through my mind. My eyes drift upwards to her shoulders and neck and I see the bite marks on her shoulder.

"He fed from you?" I'm angry again, violently so. NO ONE FEEDS from my lover but me…..My lover?

"More like he just wanted to hurt me and bite me. He only took two pulls of blood, so I don't know if that counts as a feeding. But it hurt like hell. Not like when Bill or you have bitten me." she replies.

I want to hiss at the mention of Compton, but I nick my finger instead and heal the marks on her shoulder. The only marks she will bear will be mine. I then recall her split lip and heal that as well, careful not to get any blood in her mouth. Again, I do not want to unwittingly bond her to me further.

I finish cleaning her body and lean her head back gently and begin to wash the blood from her hair. I look at the two choices of shampoo and instinctively reach for the lemon mint scent. I somehow know it's her favorite, but how do I know this? The scent is alluring and I notice that the act of washing her hair seems to spark a feeling of contentment and longing in Sookie and I feel it too. What The Fuck? She looks up at me and I feel her close off the bond some and I do not like it, I _want_ to feel everything she feels. I crave it. This disturbs me and I quickly finish her hair, grab a towel and get her out of the bath. I need some space….her scent, her warmth, all these feelings lobbing back and forth are stifling. I feel like I can't breath, which is crazy. I make sure she can finish the process and back out of the bathroom. I lean against the door after it closes and put my head in my hands.

What the hell is going on with me? Pull it together Northman. She is a human and you are acting like some besotted kid. Eric Northman does not act "besotted" for any woman. I need a good fuck, that's what I need to put her out of my mind. Problem is, I haven't really found anyone I have been willing to go there with, I try and I only see flashes of blond hair, blue eyes staring at me, filled with lust, desire….longing. I begin the feel the beginnings of lust fill me….Stop, Northman, she doesn't need any of this from you now.

I am suddenly hit with a wave of nausea and anguish. Shit. Sookie. I left her alone too long. I knock but she does not answer so I push the door open and stop short at what I see. Sookie is bent over the sink, violently brushing her teeth and I smell blood as she spits into the sink over and over. Tears are streaming down her face. I feel my own eyes well with blood tears but I push them back, I have to be strong for her. I slowly move to the sink and stop her hand and remove the toothbrush. Her knees buckle, but I catch her and cradle her to my chest. I need to get her out of this room, away from the mirrors and the physical reminders.

We end up back on the couch, her wrapped in that afghan she seems to love so much and she's cuddled on my lap. I am at a loss so I stroke her hair and back, trying to soothe her.

"Tell me what happened Sookie. How did he get to you?"

I must have had a look on my face when she glanced up at me that said 'I really don't want to know', because she asks,

"Are you sure you want me to?"

I steel myself for the details and answer her pragmatically, as practical always seems best in situations like these.

"Yes I must know where the holes are in what little security you have around here and then remedy that immediately"

"Ok. I got home from work and wanted to go to Gran's grave. I had bought some flowers to take since today was her birthday. I had meant to go earlier today but Sam called me early to see if I could work a double shift since one of the other girls had called in sick, so I didn't have time"

Damn the shifter, I had felt her tiredness earlier and I am sure she picked up more hours for financial purposes as well as her tendency to do things for others. She continues,

"I was so tired when I came home, I rushed in, changed my clothes, put my things away and didn't really scan like I usually do, though I didn't sense anything at all. I headed towards the cemetery and had just finished putting the flowers on her grave when I felt the void nearby. I initially thought it was Bill, as he wanders a lot at night, but he would have revealed himself once he saw my head lift up. He would of known I sensed him and would not of kept silent"

As much as I hate Compton, I know this to be true, he would never intentionally frighten her and I nod my head in agreement.

"I begin to feel anxious and knew it wasn't any vampire I knew out there…..not Bill, not Bubba, not you or Pam. Any of y'all would of come forth when you sensed my anxiety. I know it was stupid but the human side of things told me to run, as fast as I could…..you know good ole' fight or flight. I knew I was just adding to the chase but I couldn't stop myself. He toyed with me, let me get deep in the woods as I tried to reach my house. I knew if I could just get to my house, I would be safe but he grabbed me way before then and then you got there pretty soon after that."

I stare at her, knowing there is more and I debate with myself over whether I want any more details, I can guess as to what transpired, and I can sense her reluctance to share. I am now concerned perhaps there is more she does not want me to know so I press, convincing her with a practical reason,

"I know you do not wish to discuss this further but I need to know more than this, especially if I have to answer for killing Mickey. This way I could speak for you and you would not be required. I am sorry Sookie."

She sighs, "Oh I don't want you to get in trouble Eric, but this is really hard to talk about…..he grabbed my hair, smelled me and bite my shoulder. Then he forced a kiss on me and ripped open my shirt and put his hands on me. Then he forced me to my knees and …well….."

She begins to sob. I don't want to push her, maybe this is too much too soon…. I have heard how humans can be overwhelmed by traumatic events.

"It is okay Sookie. I understand." And I do, I know what he did after that, but she continues as if she can't stop now,

"He forced himself into my mouth and it was so vile, I thought I would vomit. He was so abusive and hurtful. I finally bit him hard" (She bit him?! Never feel shame, Sookie. You are strong and a fighter even against a fucking masochistic vampire. I do not know why but I feel momentary pride).

"…and then he hit me and I went flying into the air. I hit my head on something when I landed and thought I was going to pass out but then you showed up and saved me. Thank you for coming. I kept screaming for help in my head, hoping someone would hear me or would sense me. Thank you Eric, thank you for coming. I know what he was planning."

For a moment, I thought she had read Mickey's thoughts, but Sookie quickly says,

"I didn't know" and tapped her temple, "but as a woman, I knew his intentions and I knew that would kill me. He would kill me. I feel so dirty and violated like before when….." she stops suddenly and looks away.

"When what Sookie?" I ask. I suspect she is hiding something.

"Hmmm? Oh nothing."

Oh no, there will be no hiding. I will know what else happened to her and whether I need to kill someone else for hurting her.

"It is not nothing. When what Sookie?"

"Oh Eric, do we have to talk about all this anymore? I'm so tired."

I am sure she is just trying to avoid talking any further but I do not want to stress her further so I give in,

"Very well Sookie, but we will resume this conversation at a later time"

I feel her weariness overtaking her and I scoop her up and take her to her room. She heads to the restroom and I turn down her bed. I am immediately assaulted by her scent-that uniquely and wonderfully Sookie smell. It is so strong, I take a step back .

Several other smells hit me simultaneously and I find myself stumbling to the side of the bed as I am flooded with memories….. Sookie stopping her car when she found me, tenderly washing my feet, Sookie and I in the shower, then on her bed, her caring for me even as her world was turned upside down….so many memories. I hear her come in the room and my head jerks up,

"What's wrong?" she asks

I cannot unload all this on her now, not after everything with Mickey so I reply,

"Nothing is wrong. Come to bed, lover. You are tired."

She pauses at something I said and narrows her eyes. I slipped and used 'Lover' and she caught it. I see her disregard it due to her weariness and I am grateful, I must process all this before I can share it with her. I pull her close to me as I lay down beside her. I am surprised she does not balk at our closeness and I find myself fervently hoping she does not decide she wants me to leave, because I have not felt this right or content in hundreds of years. I can feel her need for me and a longing. I briefly tense as she snuggles closer to me because I am not sure I want to relish in her warmth, her closeness, but it is too tempting, too strong and I relax my body into hers.

And here I lie, cataloguing my memories of those days with Sookie. All the times we laid cuddled like this, how she cared for me and honored me with her body, her home, maybe even her love. I offered to give up everything for her. I feel a deep pang of longing for her and I stare down at her. She is an extraordinary woman, so many women would of capitalized on the time we shared, taken advantage of my weakened state and made demands once my memories returned, but Sookie had known it would not last and had let me go even though it hurt her deeply. I might have been suffering the loss of my memories but Sookie has been grieving the loss of what we had shared and she has every memory of that time I'm sure stored away in her remarkable mind. I feel a deep sense of regret that I pushed her so hard to tell me what had happened, as I know now that I likely caused her pain every time I asked and made her remember.

I had felt something more akin to what humans refer to as "love" with Sookie than I ever remember feeling and I am overwhelmed by the feeling again. It is what I have been feeling all night caring for her. It is why I rushed to her side the minute I felt her fear. It is what drives me to claim her as mine. It has been there all along, I just did not recognize it. I want to fully bond with her now….I want to tie myself to her and take her as mine…..I want everything she will give me, there's only one complication. What will Sookie want after all this time?


	3. Chapter 3

For those of you who have favorited, commented and followed this story-THANK YOU SO MUCH! I've had a couple of comments about having read this before and it was previously on an eric northman fan fic site...but the site doesn't seem to be active any longer. I have no BETA but I do try and edit!

SPOV

I awaken and stretch my body…OWWW. Ugh, I am sore and it hurts to even move. I feel like I got ran over by a Mac truck; maybe I should of asked Eric to heal me with his blood last night….I flinch as I remember last night….Eric, Mickey….the memories come flooding back and I just want to curl back up and hide under the covers but I force myself to get out of bed and go assess the damage. I glance at the clock, it's 11am. I head to the bathroom where I can see how bad I look and estimate how long I'll sport the marks from last night. I gotta come up with some kind of story to explain what I am sure is a battered face and neck. Sure enough, one look in the mirror confirms my fears….I am a bruised mess, but I'm grateful it's not worse. I resolve to look on the bright side—I could be drained and dead right now or worse yet, I could have had to endure a torturous and brutal rape as I am sure that was the next step in Mickey's plan for me last night. Suddenly I have an even more terrifying realization, Mickey could be my Maker and waiting for me to rise in two days. I shudder with that thought and steel my resolve to be positive and grateful.

I run a hot shower and as I step into the shower, I do a quick scan of the house. Yep, Eric is still here. He's in the hidey hole Bill made for himself when he used to stay over sometimes. I have mixed feelings about Eric staying for a couple of reasons. One-it means I will definitely have to see him later and in a way I'd rather just avoid him. He has a memory like a steel trap (well when he's not cursed or being un-cursed), and he told me there would be things we would discuss later and I know he will hold me to that…..I don't want to discuss Uncle Bartlett, I don't want to discuss being locked in that trunk with Bill. I just don't want to talk about those things, least of all with Eric.

And reason two—it's too painful to have him here, caring for me, acting as if he has feelings for me. It's too much of a reminder of when he was cursed with amnesia and stayed with me for safekeeping. Those were some of the happiest times of my life and I have not ever felt cared for (dare I say loved) by a man like I did when he was cursed…I reconsider, well actually since last night, I felt it all over again. I miss those times and _my_ Eric so much. Don't get me wrong, I am utterly grateful to Eric for rescuing me last night and staking that bastard Mickey, but it would have been so much easier on my emotional well being if it had been Niall or even Bill who had come to my rescue. Yes, there's painful history with Bill but I've come to terms with it for the most part…..everything with Eric is unresolved and uncomfortable. What we shared last night just adds to the confusion and everything that lies unsaid between us.

Sadness and longing fill me up and I let it all go in the shower. I slide down the tile and sob—sob for the times I miss with _my_ Eric, cry for the loss of _my_ Eric, I cry for my lost innocence and Bill's betrayal, I cry over the fact that "I'm spoiled for human men" as Eric once told me….I cry for so many things. I have no idea how long I sat in the shower and cried but I am suddenly shocked out of my pity party by a stream of cold water. I obviously have run out all the hot water and I quickly turn off the tap and grab my towel. I check the clock it's 12:30p.

As I am drying off, I hear a knock on my front door. I'm not expecting anyone and recent events have taught me to be cautious. I slip on my pink fuzzy robe and head to the door. I peek out and am relieved to see Sam Merlotte, my boss, with food! My stomach immediately growls and I realize how hungry I am…but what's Sam doing here and how'd he know to bring me food? Eric. I'm sure Eric had something to do with this, I feel myself bristle at his high-handedness but the smell of home cooking tempers my mood as I open the door.

"Chere" is all Sam says as he stares at my face.

"Hey Sam, whatcha doing here? How'd you know I'd be hungry?" I asked as I motion for him to come in.

I'm doing my best to be nonchalant but I feel my "crazy" smile creeping up my face.

I take the food he has and sit it on the counter in the kitchen. Sam had followed me into the kitchen as he responds,

"Eric called and left a message that you had an accident. He was unsure if you were scheduled to work today and he suggested I might want to check in on you. He also did not know when you had eaten last and told me to bring you a variety of foods since he wasn't sure what you would be up to eating. What in God's name happened to you? All Eric said was it was an accident."

I soften a little of my earlier ire at Eric since he was actually thinking about the fact that I might have work today and not be able to go in and he was trying to be sure I ate. Sam is one of my oldest and most dear friends but I still debate whether to tell him the truth or try to hastily concoct a story. I opt to tell him the truth and try to enlist his help in the 'concocting' of the story for everyone else. It will be more believable if I actually take the time to think it out and run it past Sam and he can help me iron out all the details. Decision made, I sit down at the kitchen table as I am beginning to feel weary again. Sam sits down as well and quirks an eyebrow as if he knows the contents of my internal debate.

"I was attacked last night in the woods between my house and the cemetery. Eric 'felt' me, and he came and got rid of my attacker and helped me."

Short and simple seems best. I used air quotes for the word "felt" as I'm not even sure how to explain it. Sam knows Eric and I have exchanged blood but I still felt weird talking about it with him.

"WHAT? Who was it? I'll kill that son of a bitch" Sam yelled as he stood and the kitchen chair fell over.

"Too late, Eric already did the honors and it was Mickey. Remember that horrible, nasty vampire who was dating Tara? He came in the bar a few times. I guess he was still angry with me for forcing him to leave Tara alone."

I had asked Eric for his help with Mickey and Tara. In exchange for him helping me get Tara away from Mickey, he had demanded I tell him more details about the time when he was cursed and in my home. I had told him about our love making and how he had listened to me in front of the fire and how he had offered to leave everything for me. I'm still not sure how he took all of that, but he didn't kill me and he did help Tara, so I consider that a positive (see I am trying).

"My God, a vampire attacked you? Well I guess it's a good thing Eric could 'feel' you (again with the air quotes) or whatever or you might be dead right now, Sookie. I've warned you about associating with Vampires. They are no good for you and…"

"Hold it right there, Sam Merlotte" I interrupt him "if it hadn't been for a vampire last night I would be dead. My 'association' with vampires had nothing to do with last night. It was Tara who was associated with Mickey and I would have helped her out regardless of whether he had been a vampire, a shifter or a human. She was my friend and I couldn't let her go on being abused. It was however, MY 'association' with vampires that allowed me to help her get away from him and saved my life last night. So for those two things, I'm grateful that I had a vampire who could help me when I needed it."

Sam didn't need to know that I had some reservations that Eric had been my Vampire Savior…

"But at what price Sookie? Look at you. He beat the shit outta you. What are you gonna tell people? That a _bad_ vampire beat the hell outta me but don't worry a _good_ vampire saved me? And I'm not saying Eric Northman is a good vampire. I'm just trying to make a point."

I smile at Sam, I know he means well but his lectures do get old and I'm in no mood, so I'm not gonna argue with him.

"Well actually that's where you come in. You're gonna help me make up a story for what might of happened to cause my face to look like this….I know we can come up with something good."

Again I hit him with a sweet smile and Sam groans. He knows he's beat and gives up the fight.

"Alright. You eat and I'll think."

We spent the next hour throwing out ideas and finally decided to tell people I was in Shreveport late last night and got mugged on the way to my car. This will explain the finger shaped bruises on my jaw, since nothing else seemed to account for those enough to be believable. Plus, most people would figure I had been at Fangtasia, given that Eric had shown up at the bar a few times and people knew who he was, and thus fewer questions would be asked if I just let them think it had been handled by the Shreveport vampire Sheriff. I knew I would be fodder for the gossip mill over the next week or so, but I could handle it. This was preferable to having people know a vampire attacked me and that vampire had been killed by another vampire. Prejudice against vamps was already widespread enough, I didn't need to add fuel to that fire. I told Sam I'd run the story by Eric just to be sure it worked for him but I was sure it would.

Sam had to get back to the bar to get ready for the dinner crowd and he hugged me on his way out. I was relieved to see him go. I loved Sam but I was too worn out to keep my shields up and waves of anger, sadness, regret and disapproval were pouring off him. I didn't even want to consider what all that could mean.

I finished putting away the food, washed my few dishes and went into my bedroom to lay back down to rest but I couldn't shut off my brain and all the thoughts swirling about, so after about 20 minutes I checked the clock, it was 3p and I decided to clean. Cleaning was always a great way to keep my mind off things. I decide some good cleaning tunes are just the thing and I put on my headphones and my MP3 and turn up the music. A few hours later, I am exhausted but the house is perfect from top to bottom, I even did windows and I didn't think about last night or Eric once. I sigh in satisfaction. Judging from outside, it looks like Eric will be rising soon so I decide to take another quick shower so I don't smell like a mop bucket. As I am reaching to take off my headphones, a song I had not listened to in months came on…..it was a song I listened to often after Eric regained his memories and returned to Shreveport. My heart floods with sadness and regret as memories fill my mind. I sit on my bed and allow the memories to just wash over me as the song plays,

"I need that boy/ The one that chose me over every other choice/And I need that man/ Whose heart and soul were in this thing when it began/I need that old friend that I once knew/Baby I need you"

I haven't allowed myself to wallow about the loss of Eric in a long time. It's not productive. As the song winds down, I sense Eric and I startle to find him in my doorway, leaning against the doorframe watching me. I was so wrapped up in the song, I didn't sense him waking or coming to find me. I turn off the MP3, jerk the headphones off and swipe at the tears on my cheeks with my sleeve.

"Oh hey, I didn't realize you were up….uh just let me jump in a quick shower and then I'll get us both something to eat" I quickly say as I try to maneuver myself into the bathroom but Eric is too fast and he's in front of me.

"What has upset you so, Sookie? What has happened? Are you hurting from last night?" he asks as he gently wipes away the few remaining tears and then lifts my chin with his finger.

"Oh no, I'm okay. It's nothing, just thinking about some stuff. I really need a shower Eric, I smell like a mop, then we can chat" I emphasize the word chat, hoping he'll get the message that I'd prefer to not have a serious talk.

"I can feel your sadness, Sookie. Do not lie to me. However, I will wait until you have showered before we have our chat."

The way he said chat let's me know that he knew exactly what I was trying to do but it's not working. Well, crap.

I start to move away but Eric holds my chin with his finger and lowers his head to softly kiss me. As his lips lightly caress mine, I sigh. I have missed this and that thought sparks my survival instinct to move my ass before I get too wrapped up in him again and get hurt.

He allows me to pull away and I rush into the bathroom, closing and locking the door. I know he can get in if he wants to but locking the door makes a point, a 'give me my space' point.

I jump in the shower and debate on staying in here as long as possible, but then chide myself for my cowardly ways and get out. I pull on my robe and go to my room to get some clothes. When I open the door and peek out, Eric is not there. I send up a silent thanks, at least someone up there is listening to me! I quickly put on some yoga pants and a tank top and head down stairs to find Eric.

As I enter the kitchen, I stop in my tracks. There's a candle lit in the center of the table and the lights are low. Eric has made me a plate of food and poured me a glass of sweet tea. He's sitting at the table with a True Blood, but he's waiting for me before he drinks his dinner.

"Uh, thank you for making me dinner" I quietly say as I sit down to eat. I'm a little uncomfortable at the "romantic quality" of the candlelight and everything but I don't comment. I can feel my anxiety rising though. I don't know what all this is but I figure it's his attempt at seduction and it's kind of working...I sigh.

"Sookie" he says softly.

I look up and notice he is staring at me with an expression I haven't seen "Sheriff Eric" ever wear but my Eric used to look at me like that all the time. I avert my eyes, it's too painful.

"Yes?" I respond softly.

"Why are you so nervous? It is just you and I. There is no need for anxiety. Why will you not look at me, Lover? Have I done something to offend you?"

"No. This is nice and I appreciate your making me dinner. Its just….I don't know Eric. The candlelight, the dinner, you and me….it's just kinda weird. And why are you calling me Lover? "

He chuckles softly, "I can not use this endearment for you anymore? You prefer something else?"

"Actually, yes I would prefer you use something different. We aren't lovers anymore Eric. We are barely even friends now." I sadly realize. I do miss our friendly banter and the way we were before he stayed with me. At least it wasn't filled with all this anxiety and discomfort I feel with him now.

Eric just looks at me and doesn't respond. He takes a sip of his True Blood and motions to my food. We eat in silence and he actually removes my plate when I finish and places it in the sink. He then washes out his bottle and puts it in the recycle bin….What the heck is this? Eric does not clean….he has "people" or more specifically fangbangers for that. He then reaches towards me, takes my hand and leads me into the living room, where he has started a fire. I suddenly have the desire to pull my hand away and retreat, but I don't want to offend him. He walks me over to the fire and motions for me to sit as he grabs the afghan. I stand there frozen. No way am I sitting in front of the fire with him. This was a special memory and place for us before…..I can't do this with him now. I can't.

"I think I'd rather sit on the couch, Eric" as I move towards to couch.

He touches my arm, "Sookie. Please sit here with me. We need to talk about some things."

Please? Eric Northman just said Please? I relent, almost out of shock and sit on the floor. He wraps the afghan around my shoulders and sits across from me. He softly traces a few of the bruises on my jaw, I pull away. I'm too unsure. I don't trust that any of this is real.

"What, Eric? What is there to talk about? I've told you all I'm going to tell you about the time you stayed with me. You cashed in that favor already." My voice is sharper than I intended.

I thought I saw a flash of hurt and doubt cross over his eyes but it was so quick I wasn't sure that was what I had actually seen.

"No, Sookie, I don't want you to tell me anything more about that time. I want to tell you something"

I nod for him to continue. He seems nervous about something as he takes a deep breath, which amuses me and I smile. He smiles back and seems to get more in control of whatever is going on with him. Suddenly I am worried that perhaps he's in major trouble for staking Mickey or perhaps Mickey isn't really dead or something.

I blurt out, "Oh God Eric, this is bad isn't it? Whatever you are going to tell me is bad, right? Just spit it out."

He looks at me momentarily confused and says, "I do not know if it is bad…. I do not think so but I guess you might consider it to be so." He narrows his eyes at me and watches as I wring my hands and open my mouth to speak, he holds up a finger as a signal for me pause and asks,

"Wait, what do you think I am trying to tell you?"

"You're in trouble for staking Mickey aren't you? You're having to answer to his Maker for staking him over a mere human? I'm sorry Eric, I'll tell them whatever I need to so you don't get in trouble."

He smiles at me and says, "Sookie, what I want to tell you has nothing to do with Mickey, I promise. I want to talk to you about what happened to me in your bedroom last night while you were in the restroom and I was waiting for you. I remembered our time together when I was cursed, Sookie. I remember everything."


	4. Chapter 4

EPOV

I wake up early after a restless day sleep. I cannot rise yet as there will still some daylight shining through the windows in Sookie's house. Since I plan to be spending more time here, I decide I need to remedy that and make at least her bedroom light tight. I smile at the thought of spending more time with Sookie in her home and reliving several of the memories I have played over and over in my head. I feel my body respond to those memories and I am eager to rise and find my Sookie, my Lover…..mine. I reach out through the bond and am disheartened by the melancholy I feel from her.

As soon as the sun dips below the horizon, I rise quickly and ease out of this god-awful resting place. Compton truly is an idiot if this hollowed out hole in the ground was the best he could do. I smell that her shifter boss has been here and I am pleased that he followed my orders. I do not smell any others so I know Sookie has not had additional visitors. I follow her scent into her bedroom and pause at the door.

Sookie is on her bed, shoulders slumped and I can see tears on her face. I am overwhelmed by sadness and longing. It pains me to think I have contributed to these feelings. In some ways I have not been any better for her than Compton and I cringe as I realize this. I have used her, hurt her and left her, but I vow to myself to make my idiocy up to her somehow. I softly say her name but she does not respond and I realize she has headphones on and is listening to music. I am suddenly innately curious as to what she is listening to that has provoked such a strong response in her. I am debating whether I should go to her or leave her alone in her pain, when her head suddenly jerks around and we lock eyes. Her eyes are full of pain and sadness and she looks away quickly, takes off the headphones and wipes her tears away.

"Oh hey, I didn't realize you were up….uh just let me jump in a quick shower and then I'll get us both something to eat" she says as she quickly moves to the bathroom, I can't let her get away so quickly and I need to know what is wrong, why she is crying. I'm suddenly in front of her.

"What has upset you so, Sookie? What has happened? Are you hurting from last night?"

I can't help but reach out and wipe a few stray tears and I lift her chin so I can assess her injuries from last night. She appears to be healing well. She assures me she is fine and says something about needing a shower because she smells like a mop. I smile inside at her funny sayings and make note of the fact that she put a strong emphasis on the word 'chat'. I know she is trying to impress upon me her desire to keep things light and not delve into anything serious. Tough shit, dear one, we will talk about many things tonight, if I have to tie her to the bed and force her to listen. At the thought of tying her to the bed, several images overflow into my mind and I work hard to push them away. It's been too long since I have had her or anyone for that matter and my desire for her overwhelms me, especially since I spent a good portion of last night, remembering our many couplings. I get my desire under control quickly.

"I can feel your sadness, Sookie. Do not lie to me. However, I will wait until you have showered before we have our chat."

It pains me that she does not tell me what is really going on with her or own up to how she feels. She begins to pull away and I am overwhelmed with the urge to kiss her and simply touch her, so I lower my head and kiss her gently. I hear her sigh and begin to yield, but just as quick as she began to relax, she is now pulling away. I don't make any moves to stop her as I am not sure why she is pulling away, it could be a reaction to last night and I do not want to risk pushing her too hard physically. She practically vaults herself into the restroom and I hear the lock click into place. I scowl at her locking me out but point taken—she needs her space and I will give it to her.

While she is in the shower, I spy her MP3 and quickly pick it up and put the headphones up to my ears. I replay the last song to see what she was listening to that had such an emotional impact on her. I listen intently to the words and feel my own eyes well up with tears. I hate myself for walking out on Sookie so many months ago, I hate Hallow for the curse she placed upon me and the pain it caused and I hate Sookie's distrust of me that I sense from her now. This song speaks to Sookie's need for "her Eric", as she calls who I was when I was cursed, and her sadness when the curse was broken and she was left with the Vamp Sheriff of Area 5 and all the politics that go with that position and who I am. One verse in particular wounds me and I feel such regret.

"Do you remember how it used to be/How it felt when you were holding me/  
That Chevrolet was like our little get away/All the dreams we used to talk about/  
Are all the things that we're livin' now/But without the love, baby it just ain't enough"

"I need that boy/The one that chose me over every other choice/And I need that man/ Whose heart and soul were in this thing when it began/I need that old friend that I once knew/Baby I need you"

"Cursed Eric" who stayed with her did choose her over every other choice but this Eric, the one she believes me to be now, left her and didn't really try to understand her feelings, thoughts or hurt over what we had shared. I just pushed her to tell me the details, not caring how that might affect her too….A few tears make their way down my cheek and I rip the headphones off, not wanting to listen anymore. I decide then and there that Sookie will be mine, I will show her that 'her Eric' is still a part of me and I will be allowed to care for her…love her again.

In the kitchen I begin to try and show her how much I want to care for her and want to provide for her. It is fairly ingrained in my Viking self that men are the protectors and providers….I think about the people in Sookie's life….Sookie hasn't had a man provide for her since she was a small child and even then, I am not sure how well her father did that for her. It is obvious her parents did not know how to deal with her telepathy and did not help her develop it. Her Gran, as far as I can tell, was the one constant in her life who did provide for her as best she could. I think I would have liked her Gran. Her brother is worthless…. realization dawns on me…no wonder Sookie is slow to trust people and is so fiercely independent. People have not shown themselves to be dependable in her world. I vow to change that as I begin preparing food for her, this simple ritual fills me with contentment and I find myself desiring to engage in these human tasks for Sookie. I want to share this and so many other human things with Sookie. I discover that I have a rudimentary knowledge of the things she enjoys eating and this knowing must be left over from our time together. I also notice that the Shifter brought several of her favorite foods and I growl at the fact that he too has this knowledge of her and I did not possess it until last night. Sam is perceptive and can give Sookie things that I cannot, like the sun and children. He is competition and stronger competition than Bill for sure, whether Sookie knows it or not. Luckily, he has not been overly aggressive in his pursuit of Sookie and I plan to use that to my advantage.

Sookie enters the kitchen and stops short. By Freya, she is a beautiful woman. Even with bruises marring her face, she is breathtaking though not in the classic sense. Sookie has an earthiness and sensuality that just cannot be taught or bought, it has to come from within. Ironically, the most remarkable thing about Sookie is her utter innocence about her appeal to others and her lack of vanity. Humans, with their narrow mindedness, cannot fully appreciate her beauty as their view is clouded by prejudice against her telepathy and her differences, characteristics that only make her more appealing in my world.

Her eyes take in the table, the candle, the low lights and I can see her immediate wariness of the situation. Shit, did I push it too hard? She quietly thanks me for making dinner. I inwardly smirk as her manners, as usual are impeccable and in place. I can sense her rising anxiety but also feel a low hum of desire in the bond as well. I will consider it a success if I can ease some of the anxiety I feel from her. I find myself staring at her and I hear her sigh. I say her name.

"Sookie"

She looks up and catches me staring. She averts her eyes, but not before I see the pain there.

"Yes?" she says softly.

"Why are you so nervous? It is just you and I. There is no need for anxiety. Why will you not look at me, Lover? Have I done something to offend you?"

"No. This is nice and I appreciate your making me dinner. Its just….I don't know Eric. The candlelight, the dinner, you and me….it's just kinda weird. And why are you calling me Lover? " She eyes me warily.

I chuckle, "I can not use this endearment for you anymore? You prefer something else?"

"Actually, yes I would prefer you use something different. We aren't lovers anymore Eric. We are barely even friends now."

Ah, there's her fire, I am glad to see last night has not dimmed it any but I also feel her sadness and her anxiety. I look at her and wonder if that song she was listening too is truer than I may of realized at first. It talks about missing the old friend and missing so much about the man she needs. I resolve to contemplate this further. I don't respond to her request that I use a different endearment but simply motion for her to eat. She needs to keep her strength up after last night. I sip the "blood substitute" which is little better than drinking rust water and speculate on how I want to proceed tonight. I want to woo her, win her over. Maybe seduce her some too. I feel my body respond to that idea and secretly hope the night ends with me in her bed.

I notice she is finished and I rise to take our dishes to the sink. I wash out my bottle and place it in the recycle bin, I too, would like this Earth to be around for another 1,000 years. I feel her surprise at my actions. I hold my hand out to her and after a brief hesitation she takes it and allows me to lead her into her living room. I had started a fire earlier and I want to sit in front of it with her, I want to re-experience that time with her. I grab the ugly afghan she loves and motion for her to sit down. She stands and stares at me….I should of known this would not be easy, it's Sookie, nothing is ever easy with her, but I cannot totally blame her for the awkwardness between us, I play a role as well. I am hoping to remedy that if she will allow it.

"I think I'd rather sit on the couch, Eric" and she moves towards to couch.

Oh no, you will not distance yourself from me. I decide to push her limits and gently ask her to sit with me in front of the fire. She acquiesces way too easily and I raise my eyebrow ever so slightly. I'm not sure what to make of this as I was expecting an argument and most likely some sort of compromise, but I will take what she is giving me without too much analysis. I wrap the afghan around her shoulders and lower myself so that I am sitting across from her. I cannot stop my fingers as they reach out and trace the bruises on her jaw, reminders of what one of my kind did to her. She pulls away. I can feel her distrust. It saddens me to know she still does not trust me after all we have been through and meant to each other.

Her voice is sharp as she blurts out, "What, Eric? What is there to talk about? I've told you all I'm going to tell you about the time you stayed with me. You cashed in that favor already."

I feel a twinge of hurt and doubt as she reminds me of how I have been with her these past few months but I quickly bury it. I, again, accept what she gives me as I am deserving of her scorn.

I am nervous about how she is going to receive my news. I foolishly take a deep breath to steel my resolve and I feel her amusement. This gives me hope that we can find a common ground and I regain my confidence. I chide myself, I am not some silly schoolboy or emotional human. I am a 1,000-year-old Vampire. Act like one, take what you want.

Just as I am about to speak, Sookie blurts out, "Oh God Eric, this is bad isn't it? Whatever you are going to tell me is bad right? Just spit it out."

I'm confused for a moment and then reflect on the fact that Sookie could possibly consider the regaining of my memories a bad thing and perhaps she does not want me any longer, though, I do not pick up on that in the bond. I sense her longing. I see her agitation as she wrings her hands and before she can ramble on, I signal her to stop and ask her for clarification. Ah yes, I can see her concern-Mickey and the possible consequences for my staking him. She is full of surprises, though her genuine concern for others should come as no surprise to me, it's just so opposite my nature that I am surprised by her generosity and kindness each time I witness it or am the recipient of it. In this moment, when she could be lamenting what happened to her last night or any number of horrible things that have occurred, she is thinking of me and whether I might need her help. She amazes me and it endears her to me even more. I smile at her and decide to get straight to the point, no more pussy-footing (one of Pam's favorite expressions) around.

"What I want to tell you has nothing to do with Mickey, Sookie. I promise. I want to talk to you about what happened to me in your bedroom last night while you were in the restroom and I was waiting for you. I remembered our time together when I was cursed, Sookie. I remember everything."

I watch her closely, waiting for her reaction to my announcement.


End file.
